“WELL, EVEN THOUGH I’VE DECIDED TO PLAY AGAIN THIS YEAR FOR 12 MILLION DOLLARS, I’M STILL NOT SURE IF MY SALARY WILL COVER THE CO-PAYS AND DEDUCTIBLES FOR ANOTHER SHOULDER OPERATION.”

“WITH ALL THE FORECLOSURES, THE ‘BUBBLE’ COULD BE THE NEXT BIG THING IN AFFORDABLE HOUSING, BUT THE ANTI-IMMIGRATION CROWD IS CRAZED ABOUT THE MOOPS GETTING A STRANGLEHOLD ON THE MARKET.”

“THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE FORCED TO PAY FOR BI-ANNUAL REPAIRS AND CLEANINGS FOR ALL AMERICANS’ PERSONAL ARSENALS. IN ADDITION, ALL PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS BARRING GUN OWNERSHIP WILL BE ELIMINATED, SUCH AS A ‘HISTORY OF SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS.’ FINALLY, IF YOU LOSE YOUR JOB, YOU’LL HAVE ‘PORTABILITY,’ SO YOU CAN CARRY YOUR AUTOMATIC WEAPONS ANYWHERE, TO TAKE OUT YOUR RAGE ON INNOCENT MEN, WOMEN AND CHILDREN.”

“SHE’LL NOT ONLY BE DENIED THE COVERAGE SHE NEEDS, BUT WILL PROBABLY END UP IN A BACK ALLEY SEEKING MEDICAL HELP.”

“HEY LADY, JUST TAKE TWO ASPIRIN, AND CALL ME AT 5 AM TOMORROW MORNING.”

“THE SONUVABITCH REVEALED I’M REALLY A TRANNY, NAMED VALERIE SATAN FLAME.”

“MY FACEBOOK PAGE MAY BE BLANK WITH NO FRIENDS, BUT IF ANYONE TRIES TO COPY IT, I’LL SUE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM.”

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An update on the latest Salinger lawsuit.

“WHY COUNT BULLETS WHEN WE NEVER COUNTED BALLOTS; ALL WE’RE REALLY INTERESTED IN IS THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF THE BARBARIANS.”

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin with the Nino Indictment: Wanted for Murder: Antonin Scalia.

“WE CERTAINLY DO BELIEVE IN GOD, BUT WE DON’T WANT BLUE CROSS OF HEAVEN MESSIN’ WITH OUR CURRENT BENEFITS.”

“IF THE PRIVATE INSURERS DENY COVERAGE, OR KICK YOU OFF FOR ANY REASON, YOU’LL BE ELIGIBLE FOR HEALTH INSURANCE FROM CANADA OR ONE OF THE EUROPEAN NATIONS. AND ACCORDING TO THE DEAL NOW IN THE WORKS WITH THE BLUE DOGS AND REPUBLICANS, THE ONLY ‘CO-PAY’ OR ‘DEDUCTIBLE’ YOU’LL HAVE IS TO GIVE UP YOUR CITIZENSHIP.”

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Meg White at BuzzFlash: Remember Way Back in 2008, When Healthcare Was a Right?

Madkane on Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them

“EVEN THOUGH Y.A. IS 82 YEARS OLD, WAS BOWED AND BLOODIED, AND WAS HITTING A FOOTBALL, I JUST COULDN’T GET THE DAMN PUTT THROUGH THE WINDMILL TODAY.”

The real Y.E. Yang upset story here.