“JUDGE SOTOMAYOR, I’VE INSTRUCTED THE SERGEANT-AT-ARMS TO NOT ONLY SHUT OFF THE AIR-CONDITIONING, BUT TO CRANK UP THE HEAT…. NOW WE’LL SEE IF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SUPPORT A NOMINEE DRENCHED IN SWEAT AND WITH MASCARA RUNNING DOWN HER FACE.”

“IF THE CLOWN ON THE TRICYCLE THROWING PIES AT THE WITNESS LOOKS A LITTLE FAMILIAR, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO … SENOR JEFF SESSIONS FROM ALABAMA.”

“WE WERE DOING JUST FINE UNTIL ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE FROM THE BARN-RAISING BUBBLE, AND THE HORSE-DRAWN DERIVATIVES.”

“NOT ONLY WILL SHE HAVE TO ANSWER THE ORAL QUESTIONS, BUT WE’LL JUDGE HER ON HER ‘TIMES’ RACING UP THE STAIRWELL OF A BURNING BUILDING WITH 50 POUNDS OF EQUIPMENT … AND A BROKEN ANKLE.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on the Young Republicans carrying on the Grand Old tradition: Racism, Hate, Psychotic Paranoia and Intimidation.

Forget Dueling Banjos, Madkane with Dueling Scandals.

Palin Resigns, Alaskans Immediately Begin Search For Lipstick-wearing Pig – at Apolitiicus.

“I HAD JUST TOLD MY DAD ABOUT MY FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION, BUT HE HAS DYSLEXIA.”

The NY Times on Tax Advice for Ensign’s Parents.

“IT’ S THE LEAST I COULD DO FOR GOOD OLE’ MOM AND POP, ESPECIALLY SINCE MANY OF MY FELLOW REPUBLICANS MAY NEED TO DRAW UPON THIS VERY SAME ‘HUSH FUND’.”

“THE FIRST RULE OF SWIM CLUB IS: “YOU PRACTICE RACISM, BUT DON’T TALK ABOUT RACISM.”

 Story here.

NOW, CONGRESSMAN, I KNOW YOU WERE AN ACTUAL NAVY ADMIRAL, BUT MY UNPREDICTABILITY AND ABILITY TO HIDE MY TRUE ‘POSITIONS’ WILL ULTIMATELY CARRY ME TO VICTORY.”

Wonkette on the Specter-Sestak battle

“NOW, JUDGE SOTOMAYOR, IF CONFIRMED, WILL YOU EXERCISE THE KIND OF JUDICIAL ‘RESTRAINT’ THAT WILL KEEP YOU FROM DRINKING A CAN OF DIET COKE IN THE PRESENCE OF JUSTICE THOMAS?”

[Here's the original and complete SNL Transcript.]

“YES, SENATOR, I SWEAR THAT UNDER MY WATCH THE CIA IS COMPETENT AND NON-POLITICAL, AND THAT I DO NOT SHIT IN MY PANTS EVERY TIME DICK CHENEY PAYS A VISIT TO LANGLEY.”

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All Hat No Cattle with a whole new Re-Branding of the CIA.

BartCopE! with Three Splendid Mashup Collections.