“I GOTTA’ HAND IT TO THE PROFESSOR, THE OLD GUY CAN REALLY HANDLE A ’94 FORD BRONCO AROUND TIGHT HOSPITAL CORNERS.”

ON HARDBALL, G. GORDON FLIPPED HIS LIDDY FINALLY COMMITTED PROFESSIOINAL SUICIDE —  VIDEO BELOW:

 

“WE SAID, ‘SIR, WE’RE NOT BUYING THAT FAKE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. NOW PLEASE STEP OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE, WE’RE BOOKING YOU ON DCWB — DRIVING THE COUNTRY WHILE BLACK’.”

“WE ALL KNOW HOW THE DOMINICAN PLAYERS DOCTOR THEIR BIRTH CERTIFICATES. AND DON’T BE FOOLED BY OBAMA’S WEAK PITCH TO HOME PLATE  — IT WAS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF OUR SO-CALLED PRESIDENT THROWING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE A CURVEBALL.”

“I PLAN TO STOP OFF FOR MY FREE CHECK-UP AT THE TORONTO CLINIC THIS FALL, AND THEN PROCEED TO SHOOT THE FIRST PUCK AT THE OPENING OF THE HOCKEY SEASON, EH?” 

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Lisa Casey weighs in on the “fake birth certificate” insanity.

David Gregory Wins BuzzFlash’s Media Putz Award: Sinks to New Low in Sanford Affair.

The Bruno Debate, at BartCopE!

“UNDER MY CONCEALED WEAPONS BILL, THE ONLY THING THAT PEOPLE WILL BE ALLOWED TO HAVE UP THEIR ASS IS A GUN.”

Cliff Schecter at Crooks & Liars on Have Gun Will Travel.

“TO PARAPHRASE MY GOOD BROTHER JESSE, ‘FROM THE OUTHOUSE TO THE STATE HOUSE, TO THE WHITE HOUSE … TO OUTTA’ MY OWN HOUSE!“

Story here.

And from rogue cops to the roguish CIA, at All Hat No Cattle.

Ad Copy:

“Once you’ve dealt with screwing your constituents, don’t let erectile dysfunction get in the way. VIVA … VIAGRA! Viagra, America’s most prescribed treatment for hypocritical, sexually repressed evangelicals. Before using, ask Dr. Tom Coburn if you or your parents have enough hush money to keep your mistress and her husband quiet. Side effects may include blurred vision (never mind, you already had that), upset spouses and flushing your career away. If an erection lasts for more than four hours, that’s a good thing — at least it’ll keep you from voting to deny health insurance to working-class Americans.”

“A CHRISTIAN HOUSE OF ILL-REPUTE, DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF, CANNOT STAND WITHOUT BEING A LAUGHINGSTOCK.”

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Lisa Casey previews an even bigger GOP Horror Show — The Republican Presidential Ticket in 2012.

P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash: On health-care reform, a surprising assist from Republicans.

“FOR ANYONE WHO CAN’T AFFORD TO BUY THEIR OWN INSURANCE IN THE PRIVATE MARKET, THEY’LL BE ABLE TO BEG WITH THEIR CAP,  AND TRADE THEIR ORGANS.”

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Buzzflash’s Mark Karlin takes on the Universal Gun Assurance Lobby.