“JUST BRING YOUR GASBAG REPUBLICAN REPRESENTATIVE TO THE LOCAL CAR DEALER, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. AND WE WON’T EVEN REQUIRE PROOF OF THEIR AGE THROUGH THEIR BIRTH CERTIFICATES.”

“HURRY UP, WE’RE BETTER OFF RISKING OUR LIVES WITH THE MEXICAN DRUG CARTELS, AND EVEN CHANGING OUR CITIZENSHIP, THAN ANSWERING A LIBERAL BLOGGER’S QUESTION.”

Mike Stark with Birthers on the Hill.

“WHO SAYS THE GOP DOESN’T SEE A ROLE FOR THE GOVERNMENT … BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR UNDERTAKER.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on GOP Opposition to the Government Option: They Can’t Afford for America to Succeed.

Jon Perr: CBO Slams GOP on Public Option and Employer Coverage.

“GENTLEMAN, SINCE THIS MEETING SEEMS TO BE GOING SO WELL, WHY DON’T WE BUILD ON THIS BY BRINGING YOU GUYS BACK, ALONG WITH O.J SIMPSON AND MARK FUHRMAN.”

“THIS JUST IN, FORMER PRESIDENT GERALD FORD’S RECORD WAS BROKEN TODAY, AS EX-ALASKA GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN WAS NOT ONLY EATEN BY WOLVES … BUT ALSO FIRST SHOT AFTER THE WOLFPACK SOMEHOW MANAGED TO COMMANDEER A HELICOPTER.”

Wait a minute. Maybe Obama’s right. Perhaps I’ve been wrong to blindly follow the neanderthal, know-nothing ideology and policies of the modern GOP. Maybe we Republicans should embrace the progressive tradition and put the health and welfare of the average person above the sheer corporate greed of the pharmaceutical and insurance companies. Maybe a family of four shouldn’t have to go bankrupt just because their barber prescribes a regimen of leeches. Perhaps I could lead the way to a new age, an age of rebirth, a Renaissance, even universal bloodletting … Naaaaaahhh!

“IF ANYONE IS BOTH AN EXAMPLE OF BRIDGING THIS DIVIDE, AND CAN ALSO FIGURE OUT A MATHEMATICAL MODEL TO ABOLISH RACIAL STEREOTYPING AND CLASS PREJUDICES, IT WOULD HAVE TO BE THAT OUTSTANDING YOUNG MAN FROM ‘GOOD WILL HUNTING’.”

“HA-VAD PROFESSOR’S ULTRA-SENSITIVITY + SOUTHIE COP’S EGO + PRESIDENT’S LOOSE LIPS = WICKED PISSAH.”

“I CAN’T PRODUCE THE ACTUAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE, BUT I CAN SHOW YOU A ‘CERTIFICATE OF IN-BRED INSANITY,’  WHICH ALL WE ROYALISTS HAVE.”

“THE ONLY THING WE COULD VERIFY WAS THAT EVEN IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN, ADAM HAD FULL MEDICAL INSURANCE, WITH NO DEDUCTIBLES OR CO-PAYS, TO COVER THE COST OF RIB REPLACEMENT.”

“WE ALL KNOW THAT BARACK OBAMA DIED BACK IN THE 60′s, ON ABBEY ROAD, AND WAS REPLACED BY THE RADICAL PEACENIK PAUL MCCARTNEY — WHO’S BEEN DISGUISED IN BLACKFACE EVER SINCE.”