“I WASN’T ABOUT TO LET MY LIFELONG DREAM OF GETTING ON THE HIGH COURT DIE JUST BECAUSE … I HAVE BALLS.”

“ACCORDING TO THE LATEST ECONOMIC DATA FROM THE AUTO MAKERS, ORDERS FOR NEW CONVERTIBLES ARE SUDDENLY OFF THE CHARTS.”

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Lisa Casey with the 100-Day State of the GOP, and Dan Kurtzman with Best Humor from Obama’s First 100 Days.

“BACHMANN’S A PUNK. I HATE PUNKS!”

P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on the crazed Michele and Obama’s Luck in Having Lunatics for Political Opponents.

“WE TORTURED THE NAZI BASTARDS DURING THE LONDON BLITZ ALRIGHT — WE JUST FED THEM ENGLISH FOOD.”

“WE FEEL SOMEONE WHO’S CAPABLE OF MURDER WOULD ACTUALLY BE A MUCH BETTER FIT FOR OUR PARTY.”

“THAT’S RIGHT, MY NAME IS AL FRANKEN, AND I’M THE NEXT DEMOCRATIC SENATOR FROM MINNESOTA.”

“ALTHOUGH WE’RE CLEARLY DEAD, WE STILL HAVE THE CAPACITY TO DO A LOT OF DAMAGE.”

“IT’S WELL-KNOWN THAT KHALID SHEIKH MOHAMMED MET SOME YEARS AGO WITH ARNOLD ZIFFEL AT GREEN ACRES, AND THEN PASSED ON THE FLU WHEN HE BLEW WATER OUT THROUGH HIS NOSE AFTER WATERBOARDING.”

“A SPOKESMAN FOR CRAIGSLIST SAID THERE ARE STILL SOME KINKS TO WORK OUT, ESPECIALLY TO ACCOMODATE THE HUGE AMOUNT OF POSTINGS FROM THE TORTURE FREAKS OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION.”

“AND BEST OF ALL, WHEN IT COMES TO WATERBOARDING, YOU CAN USE THIS AMAZING CLOTH OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN …. HEY CAMERAMAN, DON’T WORRY IF YOU MISS A SHOT, I’LL BE HAPPY TO DEMONSTRATE THIS ALL DAY LONG.”

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Waterboarding meets the Water Pik, at All Hat No Cattle.

Madkane on Rick Perry’s tortured logic, in Secession? Did I Say Secession?