“AND IF WE ALSO ENCIRCLE THE EARTH WITH ALL OF THESE NEANDERTHAL RIGHT-WINGERS, WE JUST MIGHT BE ABLE TO PLUG ALL THE HOLES IN THE OZONE LAYER, AS WELL AS SCARE AWAY INVADING ALIENS.”

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The John Thune Cartoon:

“I DON’T WANT THE GOVERNMENT WASTING MY HARD-EARNED MONEY ON A STIMULUS PACKAGE, WHEN I CAN USE A TAX  CUT TO STIMULATE MY OWN PACKAGE AT THE LOCAL STRIP JOINT.”

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Norm Jenson has The Daily Show on Joe The Political Strategist, and Lisa Casey has that other genius, Sarah Palin, on the stimulus.

And on a more serious note, Christine Bowman at BuzzFlash on the Lesson To Be Learned From the Stimulus Wrangling: The GOP Will Be Known By That Which They Destroy.

“NOW PRESIDENT BUSH EXEMPLFIES SOMEONE WHO NEVER TOOK THEIR JACKET OFF.”

 Story here.

“IT IS NOW BEING REPORTED THAT THE MAHATMA USED NEHRU’S WALKING STICK FOR ALMOST FIVE YEARS, BUT NEVER DECLARED IT AS INCOME ON HIS TAX RETURNS TO THE BRITISH CROWN.”

“WHAT YOU BASICALLY DO IS PUT PEOPLE TO WORK DIGGING DITCHES … AND THEN FILLING THEM UP WITH RIGHT-WING REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS.”

“My fellow citizens. I assumed the office of the Presidency with the best of intentions — to try to change both the culture of Washington, and the way business is done here.

But after just two short weeks, I realized that I was HOPE-lessly naive. That trying to negotiate with the know-nothing Neanderthal, Limbaugh-ass-sucking, tax-cut-a-saurus, fickle-down Reagan-worshipping Rethuglicans, is about as pointless as trying to resuscitate our ailing economy by exporting tea to China.

So here’s the REAL CHANGE I’m now proposing:  

Forget the bank bailouts, we’re gonna use the  remaining TARP dollars to buy up the TOXIC GOP ASSES from Congress.  For far less than the cost of any stimulus package to the Treasury, we’ll put these “bad asses” in a “bad holding tank,” where they can’t do any further damage to this great nation.

I know I promised to close Guantanamo, but it’s clear that the legal system is simply not equipped to deal with these nihilsts who are out to destroy our very way of life. 

But let’s be clear — the WAR ON ERROR will not be won in a year, or even during this generation. We must remain ever-vigilant against these malefactors of great mischief.

And now that I finally did what I had to do to the Rethuglicans, it’s time for a smoke.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin strikes a similar note: Water Doesn’t Trickle Down the Middle of the Road, President Obama.

Dick Cheney’s New Wheelchair, at All Hat No Cattle.

The Daily Show’s  Big ‘Bama’s House – at One Good Move.

Dan Kurtzman’s Political Cartoons of the Week, and Obama the Comedian.

“NOW, IT’S TRUE THAT OUR NEW NOMINEE DOESN’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT HEALTH CARE POLICY, BUT AS HIS TAXICAB CONFESSIONS PROVE, HE ALWAYS PAYS FOR HIS TRANSPORTATION, AS WELL AS HIS GAMBLING WINNINGS.” 

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Meg White at BuzzFlash: Is Judd Gregg a FOX in the Commerce House?

The Rush-ans are Coming, at All Hat No Cattle.

As Stephen Colbert notes, Things Could Be Worse– Iceland!, at One Good Move.

10. During Super Bowl week, Bank of America used their TARP funds to advertise its logo on a giant tarp covering the field.

9. During pre-game ceremonies, the US Airways crew was denied their request to demonstrate how to work a flotation device before a national audience.

8. For the coin toss, General Petraeus used a made-to-order coin with the sides “Surge,” and  “Surge.”

7. Mickey Rourke put Springsteen in a sleeper hold after the Boss failed to include ‘The Wrestler’ song in his half-time show.

6. Impressed with the Pepsi commercials in which everything blows up, the GOP recruited McGruber to run with Palin in 2012.

5. The stadium pirate ship  was taken over by Somali Pirates, who hijacked both teams’ running games.

4. Kurt Warner’s devastating interception was caused by his inability to communicate with God on his helmet radio.

3. The E*Trade Baby blew all his day-trading profits by betting the “under.”

2. When his home-state Cardinals fell behind at half-time, John McCain tried to get the game suspended.

1. Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes referrred to the “sticky Lombardi Trophy,” only after viewing the “feed switch” from the game to a pornographic film.

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And Dan Rosa with Arizonan Complains That 10 Seconds of Super Bowl Interrupted His Porn.

“TO HELL WITH SWIMMING, NEXT YEAR I’LL BE ENTERING THE CONEY ISLAND HOT DOG EATING CONTEST.”

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Lisa Casey has more on Mr. Phelps.