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The Satirical Political Report

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February 9th, 2009

Who Says the GOP Ain’t ‘Cain-sians’

“WE INTEND TO SLAY  THE ECONOMY, SO IT’LL NEVER BE ABEL TO RECOVER.”

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“DON’T TAR ME WITH THE SAME BRUSH … I’M A MAVERICK McCAIN-SIAN.”

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BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin recommends a little Pain-sian economics on obstructionist GOP legislators.

Think Progress on Paul Krugman: ‘Destructive’ Centrists Eliminated 600,000 Worth of Jobs From Stimulus Package.

The Daily Show’s Weekly Recap, at One Good Move.

Juan Cole on an Iranian Obama?

Wildlife Sighting: The Rare Investigative Journalist, at Apoliticus.

February 9th, 2009

Hero Pilot Sully to Katie: ‘I Still Second-Guess Myself’

“KATIE, I STILL KICK MYSELF FOR NOT TRYING TO LAND ON THE CARRIER USS INTREPID, DOCKED RIGHT THERE ON THE HUDSON RIVER.”

February 8th, 2009
February 8th, 2009

Dems to Hire ‘Psycho’ from ‘Revolutionary Road’ to ‘Reason’ With GOP

“IF YOU INSANE BALL-LESS REPUBLICANS THINK YOU CAN GET OFF BY SCREWING THE ENTIRE COUNTRY, YOU DESERVE MORE ELECTRIC STIMULUS THAN I HAD.”

[The movie background here]

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Uncle Sam also pleads for some reason, at All Hat No Cattle.

February 7th, 2009

Obama Seeks to Abolish Acronym for ‘The War Against Terror’

“NOW, UNDERSTAND, THE CONSTANT USE OF ‘TWAT‘ BY THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION … CLEARLY SENT THE WRONG SIGNAL TO THE MUSLIM WORLD.”

Newsweek’s Michael Isikoff with the story.

February 7th, 2009

‘Centrist Senators’ Cut Out Heart Defibrillators as ‘Non-Stimulative’

 

“BY CLUTTERING UP THIS BILL WITH LIFE-SAVING DEVICES, WE’RE JUST WORKING AGAINST OUR GOAL OF REDUCING UNEMPLOYMENT.”

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 P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash on The Joy of Republican Hysteria, and Madkane says: Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves!

February 6th, 2009

GOP Senators Seek to Delay Stimulus Bill, So They Can LISTEN to the Audio Version

“MADAME PRESIDENT, I’D LIKE A CHANCE TO ACTUALLY HEAR THE BILL, SET AGAINST THE BACKGROUND OF NEW AGE MUSIC, AND THE BURNING OF AROMATIC CANDLES.”

February 6th, 2009

Centrist ‘Gang of 20′ Senators Took Instructions From Rumsfeld

Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman, I-Conn., Sen. Ben Nelson, D-Neb., and Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine, after a meeting of Senate moderates on the economic stimulus bill being considered in the Senate on February 5, 2009

“RUMMY ADVISED THAT THE STIMULUS PACKAGE HAVE LESS MONEY THAN WAS LOOTED IN OUR FIRST WEEK OCCUPYING BAGHDAD.”

“One of the ‘knowns’ we know is that I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.”

February 6th, 2009

Congress Seeks To Cap Octuplet Mom’s Eggs-ecutive Play

 

“MAYBE WE SHOULD PUT THE ‘CONTRACEPTION FUNDS’ BACK INTO THE STIMULUS PACKAGE, BEFORE OUR POPULATION STARTS TO CATCH UP WITH INDIA AND CHINA.”

Nadya Suleman, speaking to NBC, said of her 14 children: "I'll stop my life for them."

Nadya Suleman, mother of 14 children.

February 6th, 2009

Lindsey Graham Explains His ‘Theatrics’

“GIVEN MY DIMINISHING INFLUENCE HERE, I’M THINKING OF A NEW CAREER — A VOICE DOUBLE FOR ARLO GUTHRIE.”

“WE CAN’T GET ANYTHING WE NEED — AT MALICE’S RESTAURANT.”

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Barbara Boxer on Lindsey Shakespeare:

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