“EXACTLY 24 MINUTES AFTER I’M SWORN IN, I’M GONNA’ HAVE JACK BAUER SWOOP IN, ARREST BUSH AND CHENEY RIGHT ON THE PODIUM, AND HAVE THEM RENDITIONED FOR SOME ENHANCED INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES. NOW, UNNERSTAN’, I NORMALLY DON’T BELIEVE IN SHIPPING JOBS OVERSEAS, BUT WE SIMPLY HAVE TO PUT SOME THINGS BEHIND US AND MOVE ON.”  

BLOGWORTHIES:

Apoliticus runs down the Top 5 Inauguration Incidents.

More on the “Bush Legacy,” at All Hat No Cattle and P.M. Carpenter at BuzzFlash.

“WE’LL CREATE JOBS BY BUILDING SCHOOLS, INFRASTRUCTURE AND THE GREEN ECONOMY IN THE BLUE STATES, WHILE WE GIVE THE RED STATERS JUST ENOUGH TAX RELIEF TO BUY THEIR BEEF JERKY FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR.”

I’M A MODERN SAINT
HELPING THE POOR AND NEEDY
CASH, NO CREDIT, PLEASE

“I’LL BE THERE SOMETIME BETWEEN 9 AND 5 ON THE 12th OF ARMAGEDDON.”

“LARRY, I’LL WITHDRAW MY OBJECTIONS IF SANJAY IS PREPARED TO FILM A SEGMENT WHERE HE SHOOTS HIMSELF IN THE LEG WITH AN UNREGISTERED GUN, AND THEN SEEKS TREATMENT UNDER THE ‘HEALTH CARE PLAN’ OF AN UNEMPLOYED AUTO WORKER WHOSE JOB HAS BEEN SHIPPED OVERSEAS.”

“I’LL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT I MADE THE BEST DEAL POSSIBLE — ROLAND IMMEDIATELY ASSUMES THE POST OF MAJORITY LEADER, AND I GET TO KEEP MY SEAT AT THE KIDDIE TABLE IN THE SENATE CAFETERIA.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash’s Mark Karlin on Israel, Gaza, Grief, and Victimhood.

More reason for Congress’ low approval ratings, at All Hat No Cattle.

The Daily Show weighs in with Crisis in the Senate, at One Good Move.

As the Bush Reign of Error comes to a close, Dan Kurtzman has Top 25 Bush Comedy Videos and The 50 Dumbest Bush Quotes of All Time.

“AND IF THE FEDS INSIST ON VIOLATING THE SANCTITY OF MY CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE, I’LL JUST STICK BLAGOJEVICH IN MY PERSONAL FREEZER, WHERE HE’LL BE ABLE TO KEEP HIS HAIR IN PLACE.”

“I JUST LOVE THAT RUG … OF COURSE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THESE BERBER RUGS WERE MADE BY NORTH AFRICANS.”

The Presidential Lunch story.

“I FIGURED THAT IF BARACK SPENT SOME TIME WITH TONY BEFORE TAKING OVER, HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE MORE INCLINED TO GO ALONG WITH THE BUSH DOCTRINE.”

“NOW HERE’S A MAN WHO’S A SPY’S SPY –  SO INVISIBLE AND UNDER THE RADAR, THAT THE SENATE REFUSED TO EVEN ‘RECOGNIZE’ HIM WHEN HE SHOWED UP FOR WORK.”