Sure, all you know-it-all political junkies¬†think you know it all about the arcana of the Iowa caucus. But here are the cold hard facts that¬†the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know:

 

Q. Which way is the “cross-over” vote expected to go?

A: As in most years, independents tend to vote Democratic, but this year the GOP is expected to draw the vast majority of cross-dressers.

Q. Is it true that if a candidate¬†doesn’t reach¬†the 15% threshold, there’s¬†horse-trading among the caucus-goers?

A: True, but also trading of cows, pigs, chickens and goats.

Q. Doesn’t the entire caucus procedure violate the sanctity of the “secret ballot?”

A: Well, yes, but ever since The Bushinistas hired Diebold, the government¬†knows how you’re voting anyway.

Q. Doesn’t the 7 p.m. starting time of the caucuses discriminate against single mothers and night-shift workers?

A: Sure, but that’s balanced out by the fact that the farmers also are excluded, since they hit the hay at 6 p.m.

Q. Isn’t it unfair that a small percentage of voters exercise¬†such a disproportionate weight in the voting for the highest¬†office in the land?

A: That’s only the case if you look at the number of voters in Iowa– if you look at their actual weight, then they’re actually underrepresented.

Q: How about the lack of diversity in Iowa?

A: While it’s true that blacks constitute only about 2.5% of¬†Iowans, the largely German population traces their ancestry to¬†such disparate regions as Berlin, Brandenburg and Bavaria.¬†¬†

Q. Ultimately, will voters value “experience” or “change?”

A: After 7 years of George W. Bush, the voters seem prepared to go for anyone experienced enough to give them the correct change.