On the heels of disclosures that Barack Obama’s white ancestors owned black slaves in America, an even more stunning revelation has¬†come to light: that Obama’s African ancestors — black ancient¬†Egyptians — owned Joe Lieberman’s forebears.

 

An archaeological dig in Cairo, conducted at the behest of Jesus Tomb producer James Cameron, turned up ancient manuscripts confirming that Obama’s Egyptian ancestors¬† enslaved the family of¬†Elijah Lieberman, Joe Lieberman’s “great-to-the-300th-degree” grandfather.

Perhaps most surprising is that the Lieberman family apparently remained slaves well after the Jews’ exodus from Egypt, since Elijah¬†refused to join Moses; instead forming an unholy¬†alliance with the Jews’ mortal enemy, the Pharaoh.¬†¬†

According to the Egyptian records, Elijah Lieberman¬†said that “those who criticize the Pharaoh do so at the nation’s peril,” and castigated Moses and his minions for “cutting and running through the Red Sea, especially without even leaving time for the bread to leaven.”¬†

Old Elijah also urged his fellow¬†Jews to¬†stay and fight¬†the Ten Plagues: “If we don’t battle the frogs and locusts here, they’ll just follow us home to Israel.”

As for Obama, he refused to apologize for the actions of his¬†forefathers, claiming that the revelation that “Lieberman is my bitch” might help him with the Democratic base even more¬†than the comments by David Geffen.

However, Obama did say he regretted that his ancestors never had the chance to own Strom Thurmond’s family, “which would have definitely cinched me the endorsement of Al Sharpton.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Impeach Clinton, Pardon Libby?, at Crooks & Liars.

The Republican Justice Problem, at PDB.

Bush Homeland Security Program Suffering “Major Breakdown,” at BuzzFlash.

Lisa Casey’s “The World’s Smallest Book.”

Daily Show’s Samantha Bee weighs in on the Libby trial, at One Good Move.

More Scooter Libby humor, from Dan Kurtzman.