Judge Larry Seidlin, the colorful ex-cabbie who presided over the “Anna Nicole Burial” case, has been assigned perhaps the ultimate case of the last two millenia: determining the authenticity of claims that Jesus’ tomb has been identified.

Although the tomb was found in a Jerusalem suburb, legal experts agree¬†that Judge Seidlin has jurisdiction, since he also presides over a suburb of Jerusalem — Broward County, Florida.

Judge Seidlin, only too happy to give media interviews about the case, maintained that he was the best man for the job: “Who, let me ask, has handled a bigger body than Anna Nicole?¬† Now, Jesus, he was kind of a skinny guy, shoulda’ mixed in some weight work with the cardio.”

Judge Seidlin also asserted that “all options are on the table, including moving Jesus’ tomb to South Florida, where he could spend his eternity¬†close to his real people, such as Miriam Moskowitz¬†of Phase II of the Pines at Del Boca Vista.”¬†

Another possibility, the Judge suggested, was sending the tomb to the Bahamas, “so that the people doing the DNA testing on Howard K. Stern could also test the prophet from Nazareth.”

Judge Seidlin stated that he would¬†personally inspect the DNA samples found in Jesus’ tomb, “right after I run down to the flea market and get a better pair of reading glasses.”

At the end of the interview, the judge¬†broke down in tears, saying that he “just wants what’s best for this 2000 year-old kid, who never had a pot to piss in. I don’t want him to spend another 2000 years having people kill each other in his name, God help us!”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Fashion Week in God on The Daily Show, courtesy of One Good Move.

Steven Jonas at BuzzFlash on the CheneyBush War Policy: Connecting the Dots.

Lisa Casey’s take on Cheney’s close call.

Bush and Cheney, Masters of the Blame-Game, at PDB.

Dan Kurtzman with the round-up of Al Gore Oscar humor.

John Amato on the Gore smears.