In response to the “JetBlue incident” this¬†week, where hundreds of passengers were stranded aboard¬†¬†planes for up to 10 hours,¬†Congressional Democrats¬†plan to introduce an airline passenger bill of¬†rights.¬† However, the Bush Administration has strongly condemned any such law.¬†

Appearing before Congress, Attorney Generalissimo Alberto Gonzales stated that the Administration is trying to nullify existing civil rights and liberties, not add new ones. “Besides,”¬†Gonzales asserted, “since the Constitution doesn’t mention ‘airplanes,’ Congress has no authority to enact such a¬†bill.”

Gonzales¬†also questioned¬†the need for the legislation, stating that the one mini-bag of¬†peanuts and can of Diet Sprite allotted by JetBlue to each passenger was more than the typical Guantanamo detainee receives in a week.¬† “And the ratio of one airplane restroom to 125 passengers was something that terrorist suspects would gladly trade their Koran and prayer mat for.”

The Attorney General further noted the actual benefits of long airline delays, particularly the ability of federal marshals to thoroughly search all checked baggage, and the opportunity for the Administration to beam FOX News into the “back of the seat”¬†television screens of the captive passengers.¬†

Congressional Republicans also oppose the bill on the grounds that it sends the wrong message to Islamic radicals. House Minority Leader John Boehner claimed that¬† “if the terrorists¬†think our citizens can’t sit still in claustrophobic conditions for half-a-day, they’ll just assume we’re not prepared to stay in Iraq for half-a-Century.”

Meanwhile, House Republicans are planning to  introduce their own resolution, designating JetBlue as the official plane for Speaker Nancy Pelosi.