After criticizing¬†federal judges for being unqualified to review¬†the Administration’s anti-terrorism policies, Attorney General Alberto “What Constitution?” Gonzales has now come out¬†and blasted even more powerful and high-profile judges: those¬†from American Idol.

Gonzales claimed that the Bush Administration has a monopoly of knowledge and wisdom on all things in the universe, including which wannabe singers have¬†the most talent. “After all,” the AG¬†asserted, “we made even the most hardened terrorists sing our tune in Guantanamo and secret CIA prisons, so we should know.”

Gonzales also questioned the qualifications of Judge Paula Abdul, “who not only appears to be on drugs, but has a distinctly Muslim name.”¬† Gonzales indicated¬†that the FBI would¬†shortly complete their investigation into Abdul’s terrorist ties.

The AG further mocked Simon Cowell as a “man of all talk, no action”: “Sure, he’s¬†verbally abusive, but I’ve never actually seen him engage in sleep deprivation or waterboarding with any of the contestants.”

As far as Randy “Big Dawg” Jackson is concerned, Gonzales promised to show him a dog bigger than anything he’s ever seen, now that U.S. forces have been forbidden from using Doberman Pinschers in their interrogation of terrorist suspects.

The Attorney General concluded his speech by promising to open a new front on the war on terror, by investigating¬†the liberals who are¬†responsible for our mass entertainment: “As they say on American Idol, I’m going¬†to Hollywood, baby!”

 

 

 

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BLOGWORTHIES:

BuzzFlash Analysis of the AG’s attack on the judiciary.

Glenn Greenwald: Bill Kristol and Fred Kagan’s War Games.

Steve Gilliard on Hillary’s candidacy.

Olbermann: Why does O’Reilly Still Have a Job?, via Crooks & Liars.¬†¬†