Trying to deflect the torrent of criticism of his Signing Statement reserving the right of warrantless mail searches, President Bush today insisted that such powers were essential to U.S. national security.

Waving a dirt-encrusted and battered envelope with a postmark of September 5, 2001, Bush claimed that the Post Office had found this letter just last week, which seemed to hint at a massive and imminent attack on the United States.

Bush said that since the letter is written in Arabic, it probably won’t be translated by the FBI until 2009, after he leaves office, but that he wanted to ensure that he left his successor with an expanded¬†arsenal of powers to¬†combat terrorism.

Since the letter¬†repeatedly refers to “9/11,” Bush assured the nation¬†that he’s pulling out all the stops in trying to thwart this plot, and that he’s just grateful that¬†the country has at least eight months to apprehend the conspirators.

The President also speculated that the plot actually might be directed at Seven Elevens, and that “the terrorists may¬†have just gotten confused, using those …¬†Arabic numerals.”

Bush also attempted to calm the nation by promising to put the investigation directly into the “hands of the next five or six National Intelligence Directors who will serve my Administration.”

Condi Rice, however, cautioned the press corps not to jump to conclusions, asserting that “how are we expected to know that something that’s already happened has already happened.”¬†¬†

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Author of “Bush on the Couch” at BuzzFlash: Bush as Sociopath.

Madkane on Mad George’s surge.

Craig Ferguson on Pat Robertson’s 2007 predictions, via One Good Move.

Nicole Belle at C&L on the Bush Administration “Shake-Up.“ 

Mahablog on the “Last Regular Republican.” 

PDB on the mythical Democratic base.