The Iraq Study Group has come up with the ultimate solution to Iraqtile Dysfunction, expected¬†to finally settle¬†the 1300 year feud between the Shia and Sunnis: a fight to the finish¬†this New Year’s Day, in the Mother of All BCS Games:¬†the “Bush Created Slaughter Bowl.”

This proposal, another variant of “goin’ long, goin’ big or goin’ home,” has the full support of¬†the¬†College Football poobahs and alumni.¬† Considered to be bigger hustlers than even Ahmad Chalabi, they’re desperately searching for a more storied¬†rivalry than the two teams currently slated for the championship game, Ohio State and Florida.

The game, whose name will change from the Tostitos BCS Bowl to the Falafel BCS Bowl, is expected to garner huge ratings in the Middle East, and will be televised by ESPN Al-Jazeera.

Experts are predicting a hard-fought game between teams with distinctly different styles, that will likely end in sudden death.¬†The Sunnis are known to favor¬†the bomb, while the Shia are more drilled in using power drills, and are more of a “cut and run” team.

The game will be different for the fans as well. Janet Jackson, who’s slated to perform the Iraqi National Anthem, has been warned that she’ll be immediately executed if she experiences any burkha malfunction. Moreover, all beer sales will be cut off before the first quarter.

However, not everybody is satisfied with this solution, particularly Ohio State and Florida, who have now been relegated to play in the Baghdad Green Zone Bowl.

In related news, the Vice President’s¬†gay daughter, Mary Cheney, who is now pregnant, was quoted as saying¬†that “if the game ends in a tie, it’ll be just like kissing your sister.”

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Lisa Casey’s Coup d’etat.

BuzzFlash on Bush Senior’s Tears for Fears.

Dan Kurtzman on Lil’ Bush: Resident of the United States.

AMERICAblog: Iraq Study Group Report a dud.

Crooks & Liars on Feingold cutting through the ISG hype.

Progressive Daily Beacon on the need for a truly progressive tax system.