A confused President Bush, scheduled to meet yesterday with Iraqi Shiite leader Abdul Aziz Hakim, stood up the cleric and instead met with another prominent Hakeem, ex-basketball star Hakeem Olajuwon.

   

While Bush has talked about trying to alleviate the mayhem in Iraq, he clearly felt more comfortable with the retired sports hero from the Houston Rockets, who unlike George Tenet, could actually make good on his promises of a slam dunk.

Bush¬†justified the meeting by pointing out that the seven-foot Hakeem “is literally the biggest Muslim in the world.” “Besides,” Bush added, “he did play in my home state, although he’s originally from …¬†Africa.”

The President¬†also emphasized that a neo-con like himself shared a common worldview with¬†a guy whose nickname was “Hakeem the Dream.”¬†

Although Olajuwon did not control any militias, Bush reportedly planned to consult¬†the perennial All-Star¬†about “Green Zone defense,” which itself is becoming more precarious in Baghdad each day.

However, sources report that Bush rejected the¬†big man’s advice,¬†which¬†was that the key to success was having a solid “center,” and knowing when to “cut and run.”¬†¬†¬†¬†