Although its formal proposals are not due out until the end of the year, The New Yorker’s Seymour Hersh has learned that the key recommendation of the Iraq Study Group will be to send a battalion of LA cops to Baghdad.

While this was not part of the Baker Commission’s initial plan, recent events — including¬† LA officers repeatedly punching a suspected gang member in the face, and UCLA cops tasering a student in the campus library — have convinced the bipartisan Commission that this¬†just may be the last, best hope.

The proposal, being marketed as “Stay the Coarse,” or “Tased Re-Destroyment,” was briefly summarized¬†by Commission Co-Chairman Lee Hamilton: “no disrespect to the Marines, but if you’re ever going to get control of the insane asylum known as Baghdad, you¬†have to send in¬†your own¬†crazy motherfuckers.”

Although he has absolutely nothing to do with the Commission, John Kerry also weighed in on the move, stating that “if you don’t get an education at UCLA, you end up working campus security there, then you end up in Iraq.”

Also speaking out in favor of the proposal was famed O.J. prosecutor Marcia Clark: “the good thing is, it won’t even matter if the LA cops use the “N” word over there, as long as they stay away from the “M” word — ‘Mohammed’.”

But perhaps most significantly, even Brent Scowcroft, the Bush 41 alumnus most¬†critical of the Neo-Cons, thought this was an absolute stroke of genius: “Hell, if the Rodney King incident had occurred just one week earlier, before we declared a ceasefire in the Gulf War,¬†we would’ve taken¬†those LA cops right with us¬†straight into Baghdad.”¬†

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