Responding to the absurd attacks on the sexually explicit material in his works of fiction, James Webb, the Democratic Senatorial candidate in Virginia, came out swinging, pointing out that incumbent George “Macaca” Allen had been reading nothing but smut for his entire life — The Bible.
Webb’s comments were based on a leak from the Allen camp, in which the Senator’s own personal copy of The King James Bible was released, complete with a Confederate Flag sticker on the cover, and dog-eared and highlighted pages — all containing some of the most X-rated passages in scripture.
From the Book of Ezekial, Allen had highlighted the passage stating:
“In her youth, Oholah had lain with Egyptians, who bruised the breasts of her virginity and poured their whoredom upon her.”
Immediately after, Allen had circled with a red crayon the following about Oholibah, Oholah’s totally hot sister:
Like her sister Oholah she had also “played the harlot in the land of Egypt,” where her lovers had organs that were mulelike in size …. Now she entertained drunken groups from the desert, all manner of “men of the common sort” who “went in unto” Oholah and Oholibah.
Allen’s Bible also had two pages stuck together, which when pulled apart, revealed this particularly steamy passage from the Song of Solomon:
And the woman says, “I went down into the garden of nuts to see whether the vine flourished. If only she could take him home, she says later, she would cause him “to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate.”
Allen also evinced a strong interest in the subject of incest, underlining this quote from Lot’s daughters: “Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.”
And if it’s hot lesbian action you want, Allen could definitely “HANDLE THE RUTH.” The Book of Ruth is a story of love between Ruth and Naomi, and Allen’s crude drawings of the two women locked in embrace undermined his claim to champion “traditional family values.”
However, Webb, a Vietnam veteran, did acknowledge that he had learned a hard lesson about running for office in a culturally conservative state like Virginia, and promised to remove the following excerpt from one of his novels about war-torn Vietnam:
Hey GI Joe!! You go with me!! FUCKY-SUCKY!! Boom Boom Good
Time! Only TEN DOLLAH!
Instead, Webb plans to replace that offensive language with:
Hey GI Joe!! You enjoy fruit of my loin and multiply! Boom Boom Plentiful Harvest! Only TEN SHEKEL!
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Have you seen the latest low blow thrown by the GOP at Harold Ford, Jr? In order to counteract Ford’s commercial where he stands in front of Church pews, an RNC ad features a bare-assed priest saying: “I met Harold in the Confessional Box; Harold, Please DON’T call the Archdiocese!”
BLOGWORTHIES:
BuzzFlash Analysis: Falwell email on getting out the “basest.”
What’s Wrong With Blasphemy? Part 3 — via One Good Move.
Progressive Daily Beacon: The Neo-Cons: The Shepherd Becomes the Wolf.
Crooks & Liars has Juan Cole’s Time interview on the U.S.-Maliki conflict.
