While the Census has estimated that the U.S. population just crossed the 300 million mark, under newly-signed legislation, Bush has designated 200 million of those individuals as “enemy combatants.”¬†

In a move characterized as the “October Block-Voter Surprise,” Bush has rounded up the approximate two-thirds of Americans that polls indicate strongly disapprove of his policies.

As stated by Karl Rove, “why worry about capturing Osama or one of those 900 Al Qaeda ‘No. 2′s,’ when we can simply incarcerate the troublemakers right here at home.”

Tony Snow, the White House Press Secretary,¬†further explained that the GOP was nervous about both Diebold’s ability to skew the election results, and¬†the effectiveness of Republican-hired thugs to intimidate voters¬†on election day:

“No sense in asking for drivers’ licenses or other proof of citizenship, when you can just directly strip these traitors of their citizenship.”

Attending the bill-signing ceremony were “moderate” GOP Senators Graham, Hagel and Snowe, who said that the bill “strikes a reasonable balance between trashing Americans’ Constitutional rights, and retaining Republican control of Congress.”

MSNBC commentator Pat Buchanan shewdly observed that this is the first legislation that Bush signed without a Presidential Signing Statement, “since the bill itself accomplishes the Administration’s goal to return to those halcyon days of the Star Chamber.”¬†¬†

However, despite carping from the usual liberal groups (from behind jail bars), Bush’s wholesale suspension of habeas corpus and other Constitutional rights was not without its benefits. North Korean leader Kim Jong-il sent a congratulatory note to Bush, saying he now feels¬†more comfortable negotiating with someone who shares his values.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Brent Budowsky at BuzzFlash on “Torture Day.”

One Good Move has Professor Richard Dawkins on Colbert.

Lisa Casey’s “Imagine.”

Glenn Greenwald on GOP hypocrisy over the “sex issue.”

Progressive Daily Beacon on the Bush November Surprise.