In response¬†to the Mark Foley cover-up scandal that threatens to bring them down faster than a statue¬†of George Bush in Sadr City, the GOP has come up with a “magic bullet” solution:¬†send all Congressional pages to Iraq.

Appearing before a massive banner proclaiming “CANNON FODDER-IZE, DON’T SODOMIZE,” House Speaker Hastert asserted that as the party of “family values,” Republicans were “taking the lead in protecting our young people.”¬† Hastert further explained that¬†he’d “rather have our sons and daughters confront IEDs than IEMs — Instant Erotic Messages.”

While Republicans usually blame Bill Clinton for whatever happens on their watch, this time their designated scapegoat was Al Gore.  As Senate Majority Leader Bill
Frist said, “if¬†Gore¬†had not invented the internet, this whole thing never would have happened.”

President Bush immediately got behind this proposal, for the first time responding to calls for higher troop levels.¬† On a campaign swing to help bolster GOP prospects in the mid-terms, Bush exclaimed “better that our kids¬†die fighting Saddam’s dead-enders over there, than be¬†sodomized over here.”

However, Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, not surprisingly, is dead-set against sending more troops to Iraq. Instead, under the Rumsfeld Plan, Congressional pages would be protected from abuse by outfitting them with body armor, taken right off the backs of the Marines in Anbar Province.

The GOP, concerned about voter revenge in the upcoming elections,¬†has urged the nation to “turn the page,” something Foley apparently tried to do.¬† The¬†Democrats, meanwhile, are¬†seeking the release of a “smoking gun” memo given to the House Leadership months ago, entitled “Foley Determined to Strike Tyke.”

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Speaking of truly obscene behavior, check out Dateline’s Sting on Right Wingers.

And would it surprise anyone, if in dysfunctional Florida, Foley winds up as head of Child Welfare Services.

MORE on GOP DE-FOLEY-ATION:

Brent Budowsky at BuzzFlash: Independent investigation needed.

Glenn Greenwald on indefensible Hastert.

MyDD on Foley’s address to Class of Pages.

Crooks & Liars on Brit Hume’s rationalizations.

Madkane’s¬†Ode to GOP Hypocrisy.¬†¬†