In a plea bargain reached with L.A. prosecutors, Mel Gibson has agreed to publicly retract his anti-Semitic remark that “the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.”¬† Instead,¬†in a deal approved by leading Democratic and liberal organizations, Gibson will acknowledge that he was only referring to Senator Joseph Lieberman.

In order to make further amends to the Jewish community, Gibson agreed to send all of the extras from the Braveheart war scenes to reinforce the Israeli army in the Bekaa Valley.

Lieberman, meanwhile, anticipating that he is about to become the most famous casualty of the Iraq war, has applied to the Defense Department for full death benefits.

In related news, President Bush hailed the large pro-Hezbollah demonstrations across the Middle East, asserting that “this proves that Shia and Sunnis can find common ground.”

As if to prove¬†Bush’s point, Shiite militias and Sunni insurgents in Iraq actually agreed to a cease-fire, in order to pool their firepower in support of Hezbollah guerrillas in Lebanon.

With no one left to fight in Iraq, Bush declared that American troops would “stand down, while everyone else leaves¬†town.”

Meanwhile, New York Times columnist Tom Friedman, formerly an advocate of U.S. intervention in Iraq as a way to “remake” the Arab world, has now¬†come out in favor of “Plan B.”¬† However, Friedman cautioned that if sectarian violence still doesn’t subside, he’d actually recommend RU-486, under which the entire Iraqi nation would be aborted.

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As a further sign that his candidacy is in serious trouble, Lieberman today lost to Ned Lamont in the Hadassah straw poll.