OnStar: Hello, OnStar.

Dubya: Oh my God! I’m stuck!

OnStar: Now, don’t panic. Where are you stuck, in your car?

Dubya: No you idiot, in Iraq.

OnStar: You mean your car’s in Iraq?

Dubya: No, I’ve never been there, but I’ve sent hundreds of thousands of Americans there.

OnStar: Alright, calm down. Are you hurt, or in any immediate danger?

Dubya: Hell yeah! My approval rating is barely in the 30’s, and heading south fast.

OnStar: Did you say you’re proceeding in a southerly direction?

Dubya: No, I usually pander to the South, but now I’m in a quagmire.

OnStar: Quagmire? Never heard of it; is that a foreign make?

Dubya: In a manner of speaking.

OnStar: Do you have a set of keys?

Dubya: No, my Uncles Dick and Rummy took those away.

OnStar: Are you locked up and protected from the outside world?

Dubya: Does a bubble count?

OnStar: Well. I’m not quite sure what you want me to do.

Dubya: Can you send Jack Murtha?

OnStar: Is that a rescue service? Sir, have you been drinking?

Dubya: Not in 20 years; now I’m just addicted to oil.

OnStar: Did you say you were leaking oil?

Dubya: No, not oil; just classified information.

OnStar: Is there anything we can send to bail you out?

Dubya: Yeah, how ’bout a coupla’ gay Mexicans getting married in front of a burning flag.

OnStar: OK, sit tight. We’ll dispatch immediate help, and don’t worry if we lose touch — we can track your location.

Dubya: And I can track yours.

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BLOGWORTHIES:

Must-read RFK piece in Rolling Stone on 2004 Election Fraud.

Crooks and Liars on Gore’s This Week appearance.

One Good Move with This Week’s Funnies.

All Hat No Cattle’s excellent Weekend Edition.