While preliminary polls indicate potentially significant gains for the Democrats this coming Fall, party strategists are not taking anything for granted. Consequently, all of their new Congressional candidates are being recruited from the ranks of military chaplains.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi explained that through this strategy, Democrats hope to kill two birds with one stone — by demonstrating that they are not hostile to the military, or religion. Ms. Pelosi added that to further bridge the “Red State cultural gap,” these military chaplains will campaign by actually killing two birds with one stone.

Republican strategists and 527s, however, are not taking this lying down, pointing out that military chaplains are typically pacifists and conscientious objectors — in other words, “pussy-boys,” as RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman put it, something he is widely rumored to know something about. As an example, Mr. Mehlman pointed to Father Mulcahy from M*A*S*H.

And not to be outdone, the Swift Communion Veterans for Gospel have charged that one of the Democratic candidates, Father Francis X. Sullivan, never conducted Christmas Mass in Cambodia during the Vietnam War, as claimed, but was actually back in Saigon drinking beer and hangin’ with the hookers.

The Swift Communion Veterans also contend that Father Sullivan did not deserve his medal for saving a comrade’s fallen soul in Da Nang, asserting that the soldier was never under threat of eternal fire and damnation.

Democrats, however, are hoping to avoid a repeat of Kerry’s passivity in the face of GOP attacks, by having their chaplain candidates shoot someone during the campaign, and then praying for their recovery.

==============================================

FROM THE “NOT SO SURE IT’S BETTER TO BE LATE THAN NEVER” DEPT: Speaking of “Swift Veterans,” The New York Times reports that John Kerry has finally, and shall we say somewhat belatedly, stepped forward to forcefully rebut the charges that virtually doomed his 2004 campaign. Senator Kerry, we understand, is also, for the first time, vigorously disputing the allegations that at the age of 8, he faked a stomachache in order to get out of school.

BLOGWORTHIES:

Skippy also addresses Kerry-come-lately.

Norm at One Good Move with hilarious Samantha Bee from Daily Show.

Progressive Daily Beacon on “Another Inconvenient Truth,” on this Memorial Day.

Steve Soto of Left Coaster on turning Iraqi lemons into Iranian lemonade.