In a shocking about-face, the Bush Administration, after years of asserting unbridled Executive powers, today announced a complete abandonment of its secret spying programs.

Tony Snow, the new White House Press Secretary, vehemently denied that the Administration was caving in to public outrage over the NSA’s massive telephone and email surveillance.¬† Instead, Mr. Snow asserted that¬†detailed profiles of Al Qaeda operatives and other terrorists were already available on MySpace.com., thus rendering all spying activities unnecessary.

For example, Snow explained, a typical profile states that Mohammed al-Riza is a single, straight, brown-skinned Sunni male, who likes 72 virgins and 16 strippers, favors Adidas for his shoe-bombs, secretly reads Danish cartoons, and had his hide-out featured on the popular Al-Jazeera show, Caves.

Pressed by Helen Thomas, the legendary and diminutive White House correspondent who has intimidated the Bushies for the last six years, Snow admitted that the Administration had only gotten the idea from the Mossad, Israel’s intelligence service, which has been tracking Hamas on the militant Palestinian website, MySpaceisYourSpace.com.

Asked if Bush also intended to utilize MySpace.com to keep tabs on Cheney and Rumsfeld, Snow stated that Cheney’s profile could not be accessed, since it was buried somewhere on UndisclosedBunker.com.¬† As far as Rumsfeld was concerned, all such sites rejected his profile, which consisted entirely of “Shit Happens.”

Mr. Snow insisted, however, that the Administration reserved the right to continue flouting the FISA statute, and that if it needed to conduct future spying on American citizens, it would simply resort to PhonyWarrants.com.

————————————————————————————–

OK, enough of that fantasy world, my previous post — Reach Out and Bust Someone –¬†unfortunately more accurately captures the¬†reality of the NSA spying programs.

 

BLOGWORTHIES:

One Good Move on spying proctology technology.

Madkane poetry and haiku on the spying scandal.

More spy perspective: Progressive Daily Beacon Editorial.

Raw Story on preparations for Iran strike.