Seymour “Sy” Hersh, whose hard-hitting¬†investigative reports on¬†Bush Administration excesses has put his own life in jeopardy,¬†has once again come up with a major scoop.

According to Hersh, the overwhelming consensus in the bureacracy is that Bush is clearly the most “Messy-anic” President in the history of the United States.¬† “Just look at the record,” one unnamed official asserted: “he messed up at school, he messed up his service in the National Guard, he messed up his personal life with booze, he messed up the businesses Daddy set him up with, and now he’s messed up the budget, FEMA,¬†the Middle East, and the entire World ecology.”

In fact,¬†in his only-ever admission of a mistake, Bush has conceded that he even managed to “Mess With Texas,”¬†by trading a young Sammy Sosa from the Texas Rangers for some over-the-hill ballplayer.

Another high-ranking anonymous source stated that Bush’s “Messy-anic” problem is compounded by frequent bouts of diarrhea, caused by a severe case of “Factose Intolerance.”¬†

Hersh also reports that while most of Bush’s messes have been cleaned up by others — such as rich guys¬†buying his failing ventures, or James Baker “fixing” the 2000 Election¬†mess in Florida –¬†the current debacle in Iraq is beyond the capacity of any human being to solve. That helps explain why Bush is growing¬†ever more religious by the day, in effect, becoming¬† “Messianic,” as¬†well as “Messy-anic.”

Finally, Hersh asserts¬†that the Democrats, as they¬†smell Bush’s blood in the water,¬†have themselves become more religious, since they look forward to a GOP¬†defeat this coming November¬†as the “End of Daze.”

BLOGWORTHIES:

Greatest Moments in Presidential History, via Rubber Hose, courtesy of Crooks & Liars.

Bush: Lowest job creation in 40 years, at My Left Wing.