Despite widespread public disgust with the Bush Administration, Democratic leaders have concluded they still have no shot to take control of the Government, and are now resigned to a “Two-State Solution.”

Patterned on the outlines of the Oslo Agreements and the Israeli-Palestinian Roadmap, Democrats are prepared to accept rule over just the Blue States, under the following conditions:

1. Complete Disarmament: This provision is really no sacrifice, since the Red States have the lion’s share of the military bases, and the hunting rifles.

2. Restricted Access to Religious Sites: Again, no biggie, since Blue Staters don’t really attend religious services anyway.

3. Limited Water Rights: Also a throwaway, since Blue Staters don’t do farming, and get all of their drinking water out of Evian bottles.

In exchange for these concessions, Blue Staters will receive a right to pass over Red State airspace, in order to travel between New York and California. Blue Staters will also be allowed to commute to their places of employment in Sun-Belt Red States, where most of the jobs have migrated over the last few years. However, because they continue to question Bush’s leadership on national security, and thus constitute security risks themselves, Blue Staters will be screened at special checkpoints.

In addition, Red Staters have given the Blue States a virtual monopoly on libraries and dentists.

In a spirit of compromise, both sides have given up the “right of return” — the right to return bottles for higher deposits in a different-colored state.

Asked his opinion on the most controversial aspect of the plan — the Democrats’ willingness to concede Mom and apple pie to the Red States — a Palestinian politician was quoted as saying, “the Democrats never miss an opportunity — to miss an opportunity.”

Finally, the Red States have reserved the right to scuttle the deal and send in troops to the Blue States if the Democrats end up electing Hillary Clinton.

 

FROM THE “WE SHOULDA’ SEEN IT COMING” DEPARTMENT:¬†¬†Is it really any surprise to learn of the arrest of a Homeland Security official, for preying on a minor on the internet?¬† A recent tip-off was the Department’s return to its notorious Color-Coded Chart, with the highest alert level designated as Midnight Blue.

 

BLOGWORTHIES:

Great cartoon on this Homeland Security sting featured on Lisa Casey’s All Hat No Cattle.

Norm Jenson¬†at One Good Move on the dramatic discovery of the “Missing Link” — one more blow to the Creationist Crowd.

But I have to admit, folks like Tom DeLay and Pat Robertson sometimes make me doubt the theories of both intelligent design and evolution.

And don’t forget to make Barbara’s Daily BuzzFlash Minute part of your¬†routine.¬†