In the wake of the gross incompetence exhibited by the Bush Administration over the Iraq War, Katrina, the Medicare Prescription Plan, and now port security, the International Olympic Committee (IOC)¬†has issued a report finding that the entire Administration has been guilty of a new form of “doping.”

As with normal doping, the Bush-doping technique does have the effect of increasing the number of red cells. However, unlike traditional doping, which enhances performance, the Bush version of doping dramatically reduces performance, equivalent to that of a junior high school dropout.

Experts have speculated that¬†this diminished performance may be due to the different techniques utilized. While the doping practiced by world-class athletes typically entails the removal and subsequent¬†re-injection of their own blood about two months later, the Bush version relies on the injection of “old” blood dating as far back as 30 years, to the time of the Ford administration.¬†

This, in turn, causes a “Cheney” reaction, in which one acts as if they’re inebriated, which some of the experts have termed the “Rums-feld Syndrome.”

Reached for comment on the IOC Report, President Bush stated that he had the inherent authority under the Constitution to be a dope, citing former Presidents James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson and Warren Harding.  Bush also claimed that Congress had granted him statutory authority to act like a dope, when they exempted Presidents from the No Child Left Behind Act.

Leading Democratic lawmakers jumped on the IOC Report as further evidence of the Bush Administration’s failings, but polls show that the public believes that all politicians are guilty of doping.

In a related story, with a lot more time on his hands these days, Dan Rather claims to have¬†found documentary evidence that Bush was doping while “serving” in The National Guard.¬†¬†

Not to be outdone, a GOP-supported interest goup, The Swift Dope Veterans, has accused John Kerry of being a dope for being photographed wind-surfing during the 2004 election campaign.