The Satirical Political Report

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April 5th, 2014

Looting Breaks Out at Showing of Rumsfeld Movie

Donald Rumsfeld with Errol Morris

“THERE ARE UNKNOWNS THAT ARE KNOWN, AND UNKNOWNS THAT ARE UNKNOWN, BUT THE ONE THING WE CLEARLY KNOW … IS THAT IN ANY FILM FEATURING MY CONSUMMATE BULLSHIT, THE MOVIE PROJECTOR WILL BE THE FIRST THING TO GO.”

March 27th, 2014

Christie’s Lawyer Blames George Washington Bridge Scandal on George Washington

Randy Mastro

“ALTHOUGH GEORGE WASHINGTON FAILED TO RESPOND TO OUR REQUEST FOR AN INTERVIEW, WE’VE BEEN ABLE TO ESTABLISH THAT HE NOT ONLY CHOPPED DOWN THE CHERRY TREE, BUT LAID IT ACROSS THREE LANES OF THE GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE … ALL TO MAKE CHRIS CHRISTIE LOOK BAD FOR FAILING TO ENDORSE HIM.”

March 25th, 2014

Scalia Extends Hobby Lobby’s Religious Arguments, to Hobbies!

Antonin Scalia

“LET’S SAY YOUR HOBBY IS STAMP COLLECTING, AND YOU ALSO HAVE STRONG RELIGIOUS OBJECTIONS TO OBAMACARE. DON’T YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST SOMEONE WITH A CLARA BARTON STAMP, ESPECIALLY IF THEY COME INTO YOUR LOBBY?”

Clara Barton

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Mark Karlin, Editor of Buzzflash at Truthout, on the Numbing Down of America About Big Oil.

February 7th, 2014

Chris Christie Enlists Ben Stein to Attack Wildstein’s High School Record

chris christie

“Not only do I not know what David Wildstein was doing in high school, but I understand he didn’t even attend class.”

http://media4.s-nbcnews.com/j/streams/2013/April/130417/1C6963224-ss-110805-teachers-beuller.blocks_desktop_medium.jpg

Wildstein? Wildstein? Are you playing hooky with Bueller?

February 2nd, 2014

Chris Christie Helps Seahawks Win Super Bowl

Chris Christie

FORGET RICHARD SHERMAN, IF THE SEAHAWKS REALLY WANT TO CONTROL PEYTON MANNING, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO SHUT DOWN SOME OF HIS PASSING LANES.”

RICHARD SHERMAN AND PEYTON MANNING

 

January 29th, 2014

GOP’s SOTU Response: Ms. Rodgers Channels Mr. Rogers

Cathy McMorris Rodgers

Cathy McMorris Rodgers

“IT’S A WONDERFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, A WONDERFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD … AND THAT’S ABOUT ALL WE GOT!”

January 26th, 2014

Huckabee Now Attacks Showtime’s Libidinous ‘Masters of Sex’

“I’VE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN THE PROGRAM, BUT I’M DISGUSTED BY THE FACT THAT THE OBAMA ADMINISTATION IS PERMITTING AN ENTIRE SHOW ABOUT A GUY MASTURBATING HIS JOHNSON.”

January 20th, 2014

Chris Christie Also Misuses ‘Sandy Funds’ for Latest Commercial

new jersey stronger than the storm

“I MAY BE HOLDING NEW JERSEY AND SANDY FUNDS HOSTAGE, BUT MY GOAL IS TO PROVE THAT I’M STRONGER THAN THE SHITSTORM.”

January 18th, 2014

Christie’s Bullying of THIS Mayor Could Really Prove His Downfall

Mayor McCheese

“THE GOVERNOR TOLD ME THAT UNLESS I ENDORSED HIM, AND GAVE HIM A FREE LIFETIME SUPPLY OF BIG MACS, HE WOULD HAVE MY DRIVE-THROUGH LANES PERMANENTLY SHUT DOWN.”

chris christie

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Mark Karlin of BuzzFlash at Truthout — Make Wealthy Pay Social Security Taxes on Their Full Salaries.

 

December 12th, 2013

Secret Message of ‘Fake African Signer’ Finally Decoded

Photobucket

“HE WAS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO ‘SIGN’ A FAKE ORGASM, BUT HE COULDN’T EVEN FAKE THE ‘FAKE SIGN’.”

Story here.

 

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